How I Spent My Vacation

Last Monday I had surgery to repair a badly deviated septum and other “tissue issues” that had come about as a result. My nose was hit hard twice before I was 5 years old and my septum (the dividing line between the left and right nasal cavities) was shaped in a near-perfect S-curve by the time I finished growing – kind of like the twisting backroads of Missouri :).

I’ve been aware of it all my life and have learned to deal. Though I don’t snore at night (so says Steve…yeah really, ask him), I am a card-carrying mouth breather. A sure way to tell if I’ve passed away is to listen for the absence of sound whistling past my teeth. No need to take my pulse or any other heroics like de-fib’s. Hey, I’m all about low-maintenance :).

As I mentioned, I’ve learned to deal with nearly 90% blockage in my nose…that is, until Ironman 2007. I was on the bike for 7 hours, which is not bad, but eating anything solid is going to happen while you’re on the bike. Ever try chewing food while your heart is pumping at 155 bpm and breathing through your mouth at the same time? Not gonna happen, at least not very well. During the bike portion of the race, I was single-mindedly focused on pedaling, eating, drinking – and getting rid of the congestion forming in my nose from not being able to breathe through it, not to mention the hordes of dust created by the corn being harvested in nearby fields. Finishing the race with a smile was the experience of a lifetime, but the bike portion was something I don’t want to repeat in that condition – ever.

My surgery was on a Monday, and I was not allowed to eat or DRINK ANYTHING after midnight Sunday – who were they kidding, telling a triathlete she couldn’t do the thing she loves to do the most which is eat? (ok, besides being with my awesome best-est friend/husband :)…ok, AND training AND racing…)

To take my mind off food, I went to Masters swimming the morning of my surgery, where I flip-turned my heart out and focused on long strokes. I had my first swim meet ever the day before, where I blew away my mile-time by almost 3 minutes and nearly perfectly paced every 100yd split to the second. Steve ran my lap counters, so he had a ringside seat and said I looked as though I could’ve gone all day long. Truth be told, I was holding on right beneath anaerobic threshold – that zone where you are nearly all-out but not quite. How else am I going to get faster than by pushing the envelope? Racing is not for sissy’s – you can stay in the “recliner-zone” of your workouts all you want – but you will never improve or get faster. You must test your abilities – and that means you must race.

After Masters I went home and ogled my husband while he ate his cinnamon-coated oatmeal, chocolate milk, and orange juice…I ached for a cup of coffee but was denied – repeatedly…I didn’t get it – I don’t have to work like this for sex; usually the ogling is more than enough…

…but I digress :)

We went to the hospital where they admitted me right on time and asked me tons of health questions, took my vitals, and started an IV. Apparently it had been a VERY long time since they had anyone healthy into the surgery center – the comments I kept hearing were wow, you’re really healthy, your resting hr is only 60; you take NO meds?; you have no current health issues? No, I don’t. I’m your average Joe…well I thought I was average…sadly, according to the hospital staff, the “average” condition nowadays of most patients my age (early-mid 40s) is not without issues like being overweight, diabetes, sky-high cholesterol levels, high blood pressure, etc.

Once I was moved to pre-op staging, they came and injected my IV with some valium, something that made the room go sideways for a minute. Remember that scene in The Matrix where Neo and Friends are in the matrix and realize Something Bad is going to happen because the “scenery” just repeated itself with the black cat? That’s how I felt.

Then I was having a really intense dream and I woke up because I was unable to breathe. I was out of surgery – already. Man, this IS The Matrix…

My nose was packed full of stuff. Steve gave me some apple juice and it was an oasis to the Sahara Desert of my mouth. They wheeled me to recovery and I was feeling alright enough to PEE. I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything in over 15 hours. I needed to drink about a gallon of Gatorade and eat an entire pizza by myself.

A short time later we went home and I planted myself on the couch. 2 stacks of DVDs and books were waiting and I was looking forward to drinking/eating/sleeping/movies/books for a week straight.

Around 5pm the pain level suddenly went from a 4 to a really sharp 8, and I’m guessing the rest of the pain meds wore off. I suddenly wanted/needed Vicadin in the worst way - killing someone was looking more reasonable by the minute. Steve brought me 2 tablets and I headed for the recliner in our bedroom. Suh-wheeeeet…

The night was a little rough. Every hour I was changing the drainage pad under my nose. I was bleeding profusely, a consequence of the network of veins/capillaries running through my nose that had been cut and/or sutured. To add some interesting drama to the mix, on one of the numerous trips to the bathroom I banged my wrist on the doorknob - right where the IV had been located…it was really hard not to let loose the screaming/cursing/horror movie impersonations.

The next morning the bleeding had mostly stopped and I felt a bit better. What day is it? I have no idea. More couch time. That night the recliner is my friend again and would be for 4 more nights.

Each day feels better, except for one day when I lost the ability to taste anything at all. I about went over the edge and quickly learned one of my weak spots – without the ability to enjoy food/drink, my appetite went out the window and nutrition became simply functional, no longer one of the top joys of daily living. It was hard to simply eat because I had to. How my former-Marine husband got through 13 weeks of this during Boot Camp, I’ll never know.

It’s now Sunday evening, nearly 1 week since my surgery though it seems like 1 month. Though not 100%, I’m well enough to go back to work tomorrow. I’ll spin easy for 30 minutes and see how Tuesday looks for an easy run. About being able to breathe…man, it’s as if someone turned on a switch – I can easily breathe through my nose despite some “leftovers” that will dissipate with healing.

I’ve watched all the movies in the stack and made my way through some great books. For fun, I’ve included a short review of each below. Enjoy!

Movies:

3:10 to Yuma – If you like Russell Crowe or Christian Bale, this is a great drama about the concurrent goodness and utter depravity that can coexist in human beings

War – sheer action drama with Jet Li and Jason Statham (the guy from Ocean’s Eleven), never knowing who is trustworthy and who will betray you any minute

A Good Year – Russell Crowe romance (big surprise), filmed in the stunning vineyards of Provence, France

The Last Legion – great action flick of the Roman Empire’s last stand with Colin Firth (guy from Love Actually who marries the Italian girl)

Underdog – fun family flick about my favorite childhood cartoon, and how Shoeshine came to be the superhero canine

Eastern Promises – Viggo Mortensen in an accurate portrayal of Russian mob prostitution trafficking. Tension reigns supreme in this film.

The Hunting Party – true story about 5 reporters who go into post-war Serbia and capture the Bosnian War’s Most Wanted war criminal; Richard Gere and Terrence Howard star.

A Farce of Penguins – hysterical sendup of March of Penguins, done with the actual footage from the original with voiceovers, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson

Bordertown – true story with Jennifer Lopez and Antonio Banderas investigating the rapes/murders of hundreds of women factory workers in Juarez, Mexico

Days of Glory – WWII story of Muslim Algerians who fight for France after the Allies pushed the Germans out of Africa; in French/Arabic w/ English subtitles

Books:

Brain Training for Runners - by Matt Fitzgeral, incredible book (about ¼ through) that will revolutionize how I engage my brain to really control my body, perfect off-season winter reading

Whatever Became of Sin? – by Karl Menninger, an accurate look at how we’ve rationalized our “Nobody’s Perfect” natures, applicable even 50 years after it was written

Basic Christianity – by John Stott, a rational intellectual look at Christianity, great for anyone who’s peeking over the fence, thinking it’s “just another religion”

The Bible: Book of Job – my favorite book to read when I’m feeling sick or blue, this guy weathers it all and still doesn’t blame it on God