Wrecked For Good

Reading on the beach in Alaska at midnight J.

I haven't posted in over a year, the last update being about the beginning of the previous season in January 2009 with a bike test. That time of year has come around again for the annual swim/bike/run baseline tests - the chance to come dreadfully close to hurling my guts up while maintaining as high an effort as possible in each of the three disciplines of triathlon. Though daunting, these tests form the basis of training goals each season and provide an accurate point of reference, but one that is meant to be left behind as performance gradually improves over the months.

To be honest, 2009 was a year fraught with challenges, all of them good (the only kind really, in my book). In January I finally bit the bullet and struck out on my own in my career field of telecommunications, launching my own company, Creation Telecom Services, LLC (http://creationtelecomservices.com/). Business landed immediately on our doorstep, both an upside and downside to hanging out my own shingle. It meant I had work to do and fun people to do it with, highly desirable especially in today's economic times. It also caught me off guard, as I had actually planned on calling ALL my former customers to let them know of my new role, and figured I would be doing so for at least the first 6 months of being in business. A consultant's currency is his/her relationships with clients and this is something I've had to cultivate like a rare rose; it takes time, consistency, perseverance, and patience. Neglecting any of these puts any business on the express route to its eventual demise.

Which brings me back around to the subject of triathlon. In addition to the business challenges we've faced this year, I've also been plagued with training injuries. It started with a small twinge in my knee in April's St. Louis Half Marathon that eventually progressed to full-on Illiotibial Band Syndrome (ITBS), a condition of the knee or hip that makes it nearly impossible to run for long without severe pain around the affected area. This sidelined my running for several weeks, but miraculously I was able to rest and hold onto enough fitness to score several Personal Records in a few races such as Memphis in May (finishing 2^nd in my Age Group on the bike and beating my own course record by nearly 20 minutes), and a local Olympic distance race where I averaged over 20mph on the bike and still finished 4^th in my Age Group despite some faster runners in the same category.

Some solid and consistent physical therapy eventually repaired my knee/hip, and I resumed running and training for a last local triathlon in October whose course I knew well. I kept the heroics to a minimum on the run and ended up finishing 3^rd in my Age Group, 2^nd on the bike. I was happy with my season, especially in light of my injuries. The training/racing/hurting chapter of 2009 came to a close…or so I thought.

One early fall day in October, I was out running with my friend Debbie who's a marathon superstar. We had biked a couple hours and decided to go for an easy 30 minute run afterward, nothing fancy. 20 minutes in I had to stop due to a sharp pain on the top of my right toes; it hurt just to walk back to the car.

The next day an X-ray at the podiatrist's office revealed a stress fracture on the 3^rd metatarsal, a small crack in the bone that could result in a complete break if not treated. Even my untrained eye could see the line on the film. Diagnosis: a boot-cast and NO running for at least 8 weeks. I laughed out loud and the doctor thought I was positively nuts. What now? What else could go awry? Is God trying to get my attention, and well, I'm just not getting it? Tough personal reflection swirled in my mind as I searched my heart. Eventually I came to the inevitable question: am I wrecked for good?

The truth is Yes I am, but not necessarily in the way one might think. A profound change happened to me 17 years ago when I recognized the real reason God entered our world as Jesus Christ. Throughout my life I have had no difficulty believing in God. It's hard to miss His mark in the innumerable stars that are visible from a clear sky in the mountains of Yellowstone, or the look in a child's eyes when she holds her hands up to her father to pick her up, or the searing loss of a loved one who departed this world too soon. Whether we love Him or outright hate Him, God exists; even our resentment and sorrow is ultimately directed at Him. There is simply too much evidence in nature as well as in our own hearts that cannot be disproven despite our best efforts to deny His presence.

The uncomfortable truth of the matter is that on my own there is nothing I can do to be good enough to satisfy God's perfect standard. I often hear people say (and used to say it myself) "I don't think God would send me to hell for doing my best." A seemingly modest statement, there is a critical flaw and it is the word my. We are fond of diminishing our brokenness by substituting our own standard of what's "good". It is tempting to think God is being harsh by requiring perfection, but in reality we all want what's fair; we scream for justice when we've been wronged. Are we willing to turn "fairness" and justice upon ourselves in the same way when we have been the wrongdoer?

Sin (let's just get that word on the table now) and evil are very real and our fallen world is proof of this. Our sins affect one another in the here and now, but ultimately all sin is against God, and God rightfully requires restitution (payment) in the same (familiar) way we do when we've been wronged. If we are infuriated at injustice, imagine God's righteous anger when He is wronged countless times in one day, and then multiply that by billions of people and thousands of years. Because we are already fallen beings, we are declared guilty in God's holy tribunal; we are already in the red. It is a debt we cannot repay and it's bad news all around. Our unwillingness to embrace this awful truth makes it no surprise that Christianity and everything associated with it is under attack.

There is good news however, and it's better than we could possibly imagine. The purpose of Jesus Christ stepping into our world was to be the perfect substitute for our sins. He lived a perfectly sinless life and willingly went to an excruciating criminal's death an innocent man. He died in my place, literally became my sin, and God poured out His justified wrath on His own Son, sparing and forgiving me for eternity in an unimaginable gesture of love and grace. The God of the universe did for me what I could not do for myself. For anyone who embraces this beautiful truth, this is Good News indeed. In fact the word gospel means Good News. Like the day I married Steve, my heart was changed forever and I will never be the same. I am "wrecked" for good J.